So I recently decided to get my tubes tied. I also recently decided to have another baby. I then followed up both decisions with a veto and decided to stay consciously hence forth child free, remain on the birth control pill, and let chance decide if the pill should fail miserably and my uterus decides it's time to glow again.
I hate and have always hated the idea of physically and surgically altering the body to be something it is not. I'd also like a boob job, a tummy tuck after a bit of weight loss, hair extentions, some tattoos and more piercings, to dye my hair. I like to take my brain meds and my BC pills. But anyways, back to hating physical alteration. I hate the idea of snuffing out my fertility. My ultimate womanhood card. My freedom of choice. I can't bring myself to do it. I can't even commit to an IUD, which I fear might be too effective and unconscious. With the pill, I am actively choosing to be (additional) child free, and reminded of my commitment to this every night when I pop the tiny little wonder drug into my mouth and hold it there next to me Sertraline and bustle about in a frenzy looking for a drink (which just goes to show you how NOT clever I really am, and serves and a perfect metaphor to my approach to life; half in, half out.
I also considered having another baby then getting tied up for good. Like, accidentally pregnancy TOMORROW. As in, "Oops honey, I guess my birth control fails *sound of flushing toilet in the background* and WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY (or two)!!" Stupid fucking manic psycho that I can sometimes be, good grief! Yeah, because what my kids need is a grumpy pregnant mom, and then another crying sibling taking away from the sparing time I have to spend with them each individually as it is. Yup, super mom, or psycho mom? You pick! Not to mention the stress it would have on my body, my marriage, our lacking finances, my goals for the future, etc. Yeah, having a baby, especially on purpose and now, would be about as stupid as... um, Jessica Simpson. (but it would be so cuuuute!) @_@
and there you have it, I blogged. Congrats to me :P
It's hard to fight the urges of our bodies sometimes... I think, personally, that staying on the pills and letting the waters take you where they want to take you is the best plan...
ReplyDeleteAt least, better than mine (which is, uh, we try to remember to play it safe, but might sometimes forget...)